The holidays can bring the best of times and the worst of times. While many look forward to being with family, it seems everyone has that at least one person who makes things difficult. We tend to give so much power away to these challenging and sometimes toxic people. Here are 7 tips for taking control when faced with difficult family members, especially during the holidays.
RULE 1: The key to your happiness lies with yourself
Firstly a person needs to understand that they always have a choice no to react or let it affect you. That willingness to overpower their toxic nature on you and ultimately free yourself is what matters the most.
Rule 2: Plan ahead how you will spend the time with time
Be proactive and come up with strategies that will help you be a good friend to yourself, that will help protect yourself from external negativity, and remind you of the strength you have within. You can do things like playing games and watch movies and drama which don’t take much of your personal energy reducing the probability of conflicts.
Rule 3: Don’t expect anything from them
We all have a part of us who relentlessly hopes that certain people will transform and we will finally receive what we have always longed for. While a painful process, it’s a very liberating revelation to fully accept and let go of hoping someone else will change. Before you meet your family this holiday, take a few moments in quiet and acknowledge that they are simply not in your sphere of control.
Rule 4: Define limitations and boundaries
It can be very difficult emotionally to see our self as separate from the judgmental, hurtful, chaotic behavior of those around us. It’s visual that where your personal self-ends and another person begins. It’s very difficult but so important to separate another’s actions from our sense of self, but a healthy detachment from the behavior and decisions of others and what that means about who we are.
Rule 5: Think before speaking
It can be difficult to ignore the irrational, overbearing toxic person around you and all you wish to is respond back to their toxic level but that’s of no use believe us. Allowing yourself to pause, and think before you speak, can save not only drama and conflict but also your own energy and power. Even though it can be painful to pause and not criticize or react in the moment, the pain is short-lived. Watch your alcohol intake as for what comes out is the result of what goes in your mouth.
Rule 6: Be ready to give what it takes to get smoothly with them
Focus on how you can add to the fulfillment of others. Put extra effort into appreciating what you have rather than focusing on what you/they lack or don’t have. When focusing on what you can appreciate and how you can add happiness to others, you will feel less depressed and more energetic. You also increase your capacity to enjoy the blessings you have -and increase them.
Rule 7: Give yourself time to recover
Some people can really hurt us and drain us but they are still valuable souls who need our love and energy maybe the most, especially during the holiday season. So just know that you will likely be drained and need some time and self-care to rejuvenate. Do your best to be at peace with this process and realise you are not a victim. You are exactly where you need to be. See yourself as choosing to give and be within your good boundaries for the sake of your loved ones.